Interracial Dating, Quasi-Intellectuals, Black Consciousness, and 25 Things That Bother Me as a Woman of Color #5

Okay, for those of you who watched my video, you know that I normally write posts when I am irritated about something. That's just me. Some people get inspired by things that make them happy. I am inspired by foolery. And I have just come across some pure foolery. Yay! INSPIRED! Sooo, let's discuss.

While scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across a status a friend of mine posted which read:

For those so distraught over black women dating other races and are consumed by the posed threat it creates against the black community, did you ever consider the possibility that those men of other races are doing for her what the black men in her life WOULD NOT, COULD NOT, OR DID NOT?

Now, this is a very interesting question that can be broken down into several parts and analyzed. Before I get into some of the brow-wrinkling comments I read in response, let me express my feelings about the complex segments of the question posed.

First of all, why...oh why...are there still people distraught over Black women dating other races in 2013? I mean, seriously, folks. We need to move past this already. Now although she wrote "other races", normally when people think of interracial relationships, they automatically assume Black/White; forgetting that this damn planet is made up of a freaking conglomerate of races. But we're going to keep it small-minded for the sake of this post and focus on the naturally assumed and ridiculously shunned Black/White interracial relationship.

And to that I repeat, we need to get over it. Whatever it was the "White man" did to our ancestors way back then, we need to move on from it. Yes it was awful, but it was in the divine plan, and we are here thriving, living happy fulfilling lives TODAY. So, how my dating a Black man will contribute more effectively to my "community", which as I look around I see is made up of people of all Colors, than if I were to date a White man is quite puzzling to me. What am I missing here? What do my dating choices have to do with a community as a whole? Why are ya'll in my business?

And my friend used the words "posed threat". THREAT! The creator of this website is married to a White woman. I don't find them threatening at all. I doubt if I will see them walking down the street with lil Isaiah and be all "Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife...and hide yo' husband 'cause they interracialling it out here!" (Yea, I said "interracialling") So again, what am I missing here? Why does this mindset even exist? What's wrong with people? Where is this chip coming from??

Now before I get into the second part of her questioning, I want to share some of the comments posted that are a clear reflection of this apparent chip. I'm telling you, I was reading what people had to say about it all and I had hella gas face going on. Made my eyebrows hurt.

The very first comment read:

I would not say that people are "DISTRAUGHT" over it, however all brothers are not assholes. I have 2 sons, I love my black men.If a sister or a brother chases white , fuck them. That how I feel.

This person went from disagreeing that people are distraught over it to basically going all Jay-Z like, "Can I get a f**k you to these niggas with all these white bitches; we don't love those, they gets no love." (Remix #2)

Sound a lil' distraught to me. She contradicts herself in a few other comments as well. When my friend pointed out the energy necessary to reach the level of agitation this young lady displayed in her opening comment, she replies:

No it does not take a level of emotion to say Fuck them or Fuck that. I just dont care. If I see a person always chasing white women or men. I know that they are not worth time or energy. People can do what they want. My son would NEVER come home with a white women.

The last part of her reply was hilarious to me. Translation: People can do what they want; but my child can't. Way to encourage his independent decision-making skills when he becomes an adult. I hope she doesn't relay this message to her child. I remember my sister telling me that my Mom once told her that if she marries a White man she isn't coming to the wedding. These kind of comments spark rebellion in children, you know. My sister told me that this made her want to be with a White boy for that very reason. My Mother has sense matured and retracted that ignorance, and baby sis has dated Black guys but she is dating a young man from Luxembourg at the moment. So be careful what say you DON'T want to happen, Miss F**k That. Baby boy going to bring home Becky Ann and your ass better be nice to her! #broughtitonyourself

Also, what is this chasing she speaks of? Which brings me to the second half of the question posed in the status. If a Black person is in fact constantly "chasing" a White person to mate with, is it fair to assume that he or she does so simply because (s)he is dissatisfied with the way members of his/her own "race" treated him/her? If I am dating this sexy Italian brother, why can't it be because I am attracted to this Italian brother? Are you really going to draw your own conclusion that I am only with him because I have been hurt and tainted by Black men?

That's just ridiculous to me. I have been in interracial relationships and I speak about it in my video as well. And let me tell you something, ALL of them hurt me in some way or another. The way a man treats a woman is not dictated by his race. There are decent, good Black men just as there are some dog ass White men. So don't go shaking your damn head at me when you see me step on the scene with my sexual WHITE chocolate! I am attracted to good looking MEN...and they exist in all colors.

As far as this "chasing" comment is concerned; I have heard it more than once. "There you go, chasing those snow bunnies!" Hell, I've even said it in jest. But to those I've said it to, I know for a fact that these men have dated women of all colors and backgrounds, and a lot of times, it's a matter of availability. If you're in a community with like a 20 to 1 ratio, you're probably going to gravitate towards that 20. Just saying. It's not really a chase when the catch is within arms reach.

However, I know that there ARE some out there who want to be with a White person because of silly shit like they want "pretty babies" (to be addressed in another post) or they want their children to have "good hair." I really have no words for people like that. Not today, anyway. Not in this post. But I would put them in the category of people associated with the negative connotation of "chasing" that this commenter (is that a word?) speaks of. It's difficult for me to conceive that Carlton (50 Shades creator) is with his wife because he was out there "chasing" White women. Tsk. Moving on.

I'm going to post one more comment from this same young lady before moving on to some of the other points posted in this forum:

Let me say a strong conscious woman or man would not be with a white person.


I'm not even sure what that means. Can someone help me out here? I am a fan of Eckhart Tolle; read his books "Power of Now" and "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" many times; so, when I read the word "conscious", I am immediately reminded of his definition of a conscious person as one who is enlightened, present, empowered by the Now. SO, in this context, what in the actual hell does this have to do with what race a person dates? I'm missing the reasoning here, ya'll. And this is why I am posting this here, because I need some help. I need some pictures painted for me because this is all going way over my head.

But it doesn't stop there.

Let me just throw in, though, that there were a few voices of reason within this discussion. One that I gave a FB thumbs up to was:

Personally I feel like love doesn't have color lines. Long as a couple is happy together and it works for them, what business is it of anyone else's?! Interracial dating is not a threat. However, I don't agree with black balling an entire race and stereotyping them based on past experiences or what others have to say. If you happen to find love in another race then so be it! At least they found happiness.

Another added:

There is but one race and that is the human race. There are thousands of varieties of ethnic groups. Having said this, giving the nature and social context of world history and the war that has been waged on Black folks globally, I am in full agreement of keeping the family together, but we have been given free will by our Creator to love and married whom we choose. Now if brothers are really bother by our woman having marital or other relations with other groups then we should step up and treat our sisters righteously. African proverb dine with strangers but save your love for the family. My question is have we become estranged from our women?

Love does not have color lines; and there is only one race: the human race. Although there were some other valid points made in the above comments, these are the two factors that stood out the most. I happen to be a follower of the Christian faith and one thing I've always been drawn to is the idea that we are all ONE body, one family. Why would God create this large entire world if He wanted us to remain confined to one city? We keep "the family together" through love. Yes, I reference my "brothas" and my "sistahs" when speaking directly to/of those who share my ethnicity but note I also spoke of dating an Italian brother. We are ALL God's children; so again, we don't keep the family together by dating only within our race. We keep the family together by loving ALL races. It's funny how people who date interracially are frowned upon when actuality it seems like they are the only ones who get it. Yet, we still have those who make comments such as this:

Interacial dating is a ritual of a uncle tom house negro!


Okay. I just...I...I...I just.

You are entilted to make your own choices and if that choice is to be a modern day slave then so be it as long as you stay away from me with it then i dont care!

What is obvious is Staying True to your Race and refusing to Whore yourself to your former slave master!

If a sister can't find a good black man then either they arent looking hard enough,they're looking in the wrong places or they really dont want one!

Maybe you are a product of interracial dating but the majority of African Americans are a product of Interracial rape thru slavery not Interracial dating.

I'm actually speechless, ya'll. Like seriously, after I copy/pasted this dude's comments (all of the above are from the same guy), I sat here for like two minutes trying to find words to articulate the sheer confusion I am feeling right now. In all of my 33 years of living, I have never heard of interracial dating being described as modern day slavery. Have I lived overseas too long? WHAT AM I MISSING???

Okay. There's more, from others:

Problem with post like these, they disregard and discredit black folks' history as well as the dynamics of white supremacy and racism that has intentionally and strategically destroyed the black family, black community and black unity.


We as a ppl must stop having sex with our captors its that simple. It may take a while but disunity invites murder.


I think I am figuring it out.

Clearly what I think of when I hear the word "consciousness" is not the same as what these extra Black Power ass folk are speaking of here. They are on some Black Consciousness movement tip which includes honoring our ancestors and their struggles by remaining in the mindset of those who physically lived and breathed that struggle. My consciousness keeps me present, their consciousness is rooted in the past. A-ha.

I am leaving out a lot here; I wish I could copy paste the whole discussion but I posted the ones most painful to my eyes to illustrate how what was meant to be a status presenting an objective point worth considering, especially when noting the fact that many do pursue relationships outside of their race as a result of bad experience, turned into this quasi-intellectual debate about keeping it in the (Black) family and not disrespecting our ancestors by fornicating with the offspring of those who once enslaved them.

Again, maybe I am missing something. Perhaps I'm not Black enough for this conversation. Because let me tell you, I would never discredit slavery...NEVER. But to not date a White man because of what White people did to Black people would be a bit silly considering what Black people have done to and are continuing to do to Black people. Ya'll, these people were talking about being the products of rape; they still identify White people as "slave owners", "captors". And they speak this in the name of "consciousness". Someone please educate your girl. Because I am puz-zled.

So much so that I am going to make this my #5. How I am feeling about these people and their views on interracial dating is the same way I feel about atheists who try to clown those who believe in God. I'm telling you, I have read posts where Christians are talked about like a dog and for what, praising God, being at peace with their beliefs, minding their own spiritual business, working out their own salvation. So much angry energy is wasted debating the flaws and untruths of religion doctrine, and while these people are pissed off about how brainwashed we Christians are, I'm over here starting my days off with praise and worship and Holy Ghost tears. It's like, seriously boo,

stay mad.gif

And just like atheists can't find earthly peace for ridiculing us for living in spiritual peace, those who basically call those who date outside their race sell-outs for disrespecting the struggle brought on by the slave trade are in fact the ones who remain enslaved. It's not that damn serious. There are too many beautiful people in the world to not take a chance with someone of a different background just because you're still pissed about what Massa did to your great-great-great Grandfather. But we're the oppressed ones? Nigga please.

I kind of felt bad for my friend, though, because unconscious conscious folk were trying to come down on her as if she was the angry Black woman butthurt by all the wrong done to her by Black men and therefore had gone over to the other side.

One wrote: 

#sorry for your luck with brothers


u sound hurt I'll pray for u sis

My girl has never dated a White man in her life. The only point she was trying to make was for the "brothers" who DO get upset when they see "sisters" with a man who is not Black, to consider the decline of respectful Black men and perhaps brainstorm some ways to redevelop the mindset of Black men in this day and age. I wrote about the same a week or so ago. There is a decline. There is. So although MY dating outside of my race was based on attraction and availability, I can understand how a woman or man who hasn't found happiness in what she or he is used to opts to step outside the box. Hell, I am about one or two more bad relationships away from trying out women myself! #jokes #kinda

Moral of the story, though is this: and I will refer to the standout point from the comments above: Love knows no color lines and there is only one race: the human race. I'd like to add a bit of scripture to that point as well: " to be quiet, and to do your own business..." (1 Thessalonians 4:11) I think no further explanation is necessary.

However, to clarify, this is going as my #5 because I am bothered that I will potentially be viewed by these quasi-intellectual dumb smart niggas as a sell-out to my race, branded as one "not conscious" even, simply because I both applaud and encourage those who are free and open enough to embrace love in all colors. It bothers me that I will be viewed as confined for NOT being confined. It bothers me that if I were to be with a White man, it would be automatically assumed that it's because I am dissatisfied with brothers and/or I'm not "looking in the right place" for one. It bothers me that my White boyfriend/fiance/husband will be viewed as my captor, my former slave master, my ancestors' rapist. 

And it bothers me that these views come from my fellow people of Color. Tsk tsk tsk.

I'm done, ya'll. Good night...holla back in the comments section.


READ 25 Things That Bother Me as a Woman of Color #4, 3, 2, and 1 HERE

Posted on May 24, 2013 and filed under personal stories, sexuality, skin tone.